Sometimes I Don’t Trust God.
Toward the end of my first year at NYU, I found myself desperately auditioning for a summer stock gig.
Emphasis on “desperately.”
My three high school theatre credits were mocking me from my sparse “professional” resume. I was convinced that if I didn’t get a summer show contract, it would mean I wasn’t cut out for this. I force-fed myself a diet of crappy auditions that all amounted to nothing.
The only audition that had gone remotely well was one my voice teacher had set up for me. That audition felt set apart from the rest. I didn’t know then that what I sensed was the feeling of God guiding me in order to provide for me. To start with, there was my voice teacher’s kindness in pulling some strings to get me the appointment. Then, actually having an appointment rather than showing up to another cattle call! Finally, this audition wasn’t at a studio, it was in a lovely apartment overlooking the river. The people were personable and friendly and asked to hear more after I sang through my cuts.
But I didn’t get the part.
Soon after, I found myself in a heap on the worn wood floor of my apartment. I cried to God about how I NEEDED to do a show that summer or it would FOREVER be too late and how could He let this happen to me…
…mid-meltdown, my phone rang.
“Hi, Megan, we’ve had an actor drop out for our summer season and wanted to ask if you were still available to join us?”
This was the something-felt-different audition that I had gotten a rejection email from! I hung up the phone and sat stunned. I became aware that even though I’d done nothing but worry and complain, God had provided. I found myself disappointed that I had missed an opportunity to trust him while I waited for him to provide.
I learned that day that God sometimes makes a way even after the door seemingly shuts. There is nothing that can stand in the way of God’s provision. But not trusting Him will stand in the way of us enjoying the journey.
For God says, “At the acceptable time I listened to you and I helped you” … Behold, now is the acceptable time of God’s favor! – 2 Corinthians 6:2 (AMP)